roller coaster ride

2009-05-03T19:02:00.003+08:00

Guess , third party really sux be it in a relationship or friendship.

I'm getting sick & tired of people who don't appreciate the things we did for them.

I'm not dwelling but i just have to clarify certain things here.

At least, don't forget that someone, you knew before for someone you just know, a week.

okay. -.-

Oh well, I won't be blogging cause computer broke down. And it has yet to be repaired.

Currently, online via babygirl's laptop.

So i guess, i be meeting her every Friday to catch things up with you peeps aye. (:

other than that, i be on hiatus.

2009-05-03T01:22:00.001+08:00

blog will be under construction.

computer break down.

sorry readers.

anything leave a message.

tc~~

Everyone is unique

2009-04-23T18:58:00.004+08:00

After so long of not meeting each other, finally We met.

And as usual, its always blissful to be with baby girl.

And to my dear baby girl, Hanifayana Binte Yahya.

Stop looking down on yourself.

Stop thinking your ugly just because the people around you is indifferent.

Babe, Look at it in a positive way.

Your not ugly, your unique. Your different. You stand out among the rest.

Be blessed, baby. Thanked god for what you have now.

No one is perfect, Everyone is unique in their own way.

Hence your imperfections that makes you perfect, and I'm sure you know that. Right?

Don't let this bring you down. No matter what they say, always have this in mind.

Your just one of a kind. Your special. Your beautiful. You are, babe.

You don't have to be thin and tall, to be beautiful baby.

You don't have to look like them, to be beautiful.

You don't have to have their features to look great.

You don't have to be a model, to be beautiful.

You are beautiful in every single way.

Those eyes, those smiles, those sexy legs, those eyelashes, those hair.

Do note, looks won't last long. Its the heart that matters the most.

It's the inner beauty that last long, that people will find you most beautiful.

Alright baby?

Heads up!

Where is the girl, who don't gives a shit to what others have to say?

Where is that girl who is so full of confidence?

I don't see that happy go lucky, girl next door anymore.

So please, just lead your life as per normal.

I don't want to see you,next month like a walking short skeleton.

alright? ^-^

p.s:

looks capture the eyes,

but its the personality that captures the heart.

Random

2009-04-21T23:15:00.004+08:00

I miss being in love.
I miss having long term relationship.
I miss being pampered.
I miss being cared for.
I miss to have that very special someone to lean on.
I miss having late night calls everyday till the next morning.
I miss having silly arguments.
I miss dating.
I miss being attached.
I miss my brother.
I miss my babygirl.
I miss my old friends.
I miss my primary school friends.
I miss dancing.
I miss going to club.
I miss nightlife.
I miss having those tight hugs and blissful kisses. ^^
I miss my nerdy and holy days.
I miss those rides.
I miss his scrambler.
I miss Mr.Z . I miss Mr. M
I miss Kudutman. I miss Crunchey Munchey. I miss Mr.Broken
I miss all those lovely nice funny guys.
I miss working.
I miss going to religion class.
I miss my late grandparents.
I miss those time when i really never missed a single prayer.
I miss being known, as anak soleha.
I miss everything .

If only i could turn back the time.
If only, i have the power.
If only, things didn't went this way.
If only, i could tell these people how much i miss them.
If only, god give me the ability to tell my loved ones how i actually still remembered those days.
If only, I''m not what I am now.
If only, I follow his guidance earlier.

And that is, if only.

SCHOOL !

2009-04-20T17:58:00.002+08:00

I love school. I'm loving it. The peeps & the teachers never fail to make me go CRRRAZY !

( satu hari tak ketawe, tak mengutuk, tak kacau orang tak sah. ! )

Home Alone right now.

Mom went out with Sister and niece to Tampines 1.

How is the new Mall? I heard it was packed, so i didn't follow them there.

Oh. And i heard there is a swimming pool? Heh? Should visit the new mall soon.

Okay . I have to stop all these happy go lucky attitude already. Gosh!

Time to be serious right now!

I know I know. Aku perangai anjing laut. Tak pernah serious.

But babe, there is a first time for everything what. Kan?

Cheyy Cheyy. Shila! Kau serious or what? Since when?

HA HA ! daa sudaaah. sheeeesh ~.

Assingments to be completed by this week.

10 drawings, of open up things
10 development drawings of living creatures
2 layouts , photo copied A4. ( two different colour scheme.)

p.s : i need a puff right now.

Another Lazy Sunday

2009-04-19T16:39:00.002+08:00

I need a break. I need a massager right now. My leg hurts. My body is aching.

All thanks to the napha test,the cycling,the falling.

All these that lead to this injuries i have on my body.

I want mom to help me massage, but unfortunately mom is upset with me. Period.

Now she perangai with me. And what is wrong with me today?

I did something very very super silly, out of my 16 years of life.

I shall not elaborate more on the incident that happened earlier at home.

Thanks eh, ibu. Suka la kau, kan kan kan. Gembira? -.-

Oh! Mom was being so random and weird yesterday.

Mom : '' ehh! Anugerah da nak start, taw. ''

Me: '' Uh abeh? nak orang buat ape? buat banner? Amik number laki? -.-''

Mom: '' Eh . Kelakar nye kau. Gi masuk la. Kau kan suka nyanyi. Pandai nyanyi.''

Me: '' HA HA HA ! Ibu buat kelakar ke pe? Siti masuk? Suara sedap tak ape la jugak.''

Mom: '' Eh. Sedap pe. Anak ibu kaaaaaaaaaaan. ''

( part ni mak aku macam yer ohhh. yerla, part bagus mengaku la anak kau ehh . )

Me: '' Tak nak uh. Muslimah Anggun jer orang da back off. Ape lagi nih. ''

Mom: '' Kau memang , Gatal . da nak menang, dapat finalist. tak nak. Pandai sangat la. bla ''

I walked away, when she was nagging about my stupidity.

Ha Ha. Anyway, i did want to join the anugerah. You know try out for fun. Who knows? Kan?

To be a singer is one of my dreams too, you know. Hehs.

But sadly, I'm not legally 16 yet. Perhaps another 2 more years?

Or if there is any vacancy for acting, i don't mind joining without any doubts! haha! (:

Enough shila, Stop dreaming. Wait long long hor. Man Man lai ~

Mid year is around the corner, babe. In 2 weeks time!

Better start revising!!

2009-04-18T16:05:00.000+08:00

Its Saturday ! Ha Ha Ha. Finally!

I want to go out, but i'm lazy. Okay that's not the point, the main reason is, I'm broke.

I really on a budget terminal right now. How much do i have, Only $15.

Tell me, what can i do with 15 bucks in my wallet?

The girls, suggested to go cycling again at East Coast Park.

( padehal, semalam baru pergi with Mr. A , pergi lagi. )

So i feeling feeling, want to pedal pedal the bicycle, with the angin angin laut. I agreed.

Okay, got to go now. Ifaa is on the way here, and i've yet to shower.

Will update again. Have fun with your weekends! (:

DEDICATION

2009-04-17T16:08:00.001+08:00

SPECIAL SHOUT OUT !!

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCED, SITI NURHUDA !

Babe, I'm sorry for going missing in action. Ha Ha. Been busy with life.

Everyone is leading their own life right now after the holidays

And ever since school has reopened, for majority .

Your taking your major exams in a few months time.

I'm here focusing on my basic foundation, for the second time. i know i know, pathetic.

Meet up soon alright? Me , You , You and Me.

I miss you. I miss those times, those laughter, those nightlife with the partypeople. Hehs.

Do know that, no matter how far we have drifted apart, your still remembered by me,always.

Cause your one of a kind, out of all my other lovely friends.

okay sayang? May all your wished come true, insyallah.

^,^

2009-04-16T00:29:00.001+08:00

Hello darlings. My blog is finally, alive again ! ha ha ha.

New Skin, New chat box . And songs that will make you groove to the beat.

Lets not make this blog, an emotional sentimental site. Ha Ha.

Life has been good. Superb ~! Too good, that i don't have the time to blog. -.-

I'm enjoying my single life right now. I don't need a man to satisfy me, for now.

( chey shila, like real. Okay serious, i don't need a man like that someone . )

So zane dear, i've proved you. I'm better off without you.

You do your own thang, and im'ma do mine. No point crying over a spilt milk.

I suggest you should stop texting me already. I should give myself and others a chance.

Like what mom told me, I'm still young and have a long way to go.

If we are meant to be, we will.

Oh ! I'm missing babygirl, a lot right now. Girl , meet me up soon okay?

Aku nak peluk kau, nak cium cium rogol kau. he he!! ((:

Oh to some friends, we don't even care if your still schooling or not.

You girls, will realized how miserable life is without education.

C'mon babes, We need education to survive in Singapore.

Well, unless your too cheap, that it doesn't even matter.

Main point: We are better off without you girls, in school .

Oh, sooner or later , you will get sick and tired of outside life. trust me. ^^

Time checked. Its already 12.47 am . Off to bed in ten minutes time.

miss having late night calls.

2009-04-15T01:05:00.000+08:00

I love my girls . Very the super the much ~.

Thanks for the laughter, the inside jokes. Thanks for always being there, to entertain me. ((:

So, the whole week was spend with the girls and tuitoring my nephew.

Went cycling at east coast.
Cycling again, at ayu's park.
Laughing Gas ! Ha Ha .
Borrow books at national library.
Survey for part time job.

I hate this part right here

2009-04-14T00:54:00.003+08:00

STUCK

I don't know, what's right and what's real anymore.

I don't know, what i should do. I don't know if i should go with the flow.

I don't know, if i should meet you and give you another chance.

I don't know, I just can't get control of myself whenever it comes to you.

But i know, i can't lie to myself.

Yes, I'm still am waiting and hoping for your return. I don't care bout what others have to say.

I don't know why, i just want you. Deep down, this heart still beats for you.

I am moving on, but i'm not going anywhere. I'm stuck here, not sure in fantasy or reality.

I'm afraid, your going to hurt me again.

Is this another dream of fairytale? Or just another nightmare?

I've been hearing unhealthy remarks and things which really bring me down.

But despite all that, i'm still into you like the first time . . .

how can i move on when i'm still in love with you?

maybe you will come back, or maybe you will never.

2009-04-10T22:23:00.002+08:00

She's the girl that makes people smile, and be there for them
She turns they're frown upside down
She smiles, she laughs all the time
But no one knows her deep inside

p.s: confession of myself, if only i could turn back the time.

2009-04-08T23:58:00.002+08:00

Note: Never make someone your everything, cause when they're gone, you've got nothing .

Okay, that was exaggerating. Not really nothing, You got something la of course.
Perhaps,at least some lesson learnt? Regrets? Satisfied?
It depends on your luck. okay, this is just a random note. ^-^

Oh. I really need to start saving. Been spending a lot, and i'm only left with $20 for this week.
That will last me on thursday till saturday ? Tak cukup dol .
Cannot!! I need to work ! Any vacancy?

( mom is going to kill me, if she finds out bout this. Mid year is in 3 weeks time, shila! are you insane? Start revising!! You so going to be dead, if your repeating again next year for the second time. ehh gileeer uhh, siape nak retain 2 kali? ape long service award? -.- )

P.s: I want that mango 's pants ! Hint Hint !! ((:

2009-04-05T01:14:00.000+08:00

To you, Mizi !

I'm sorry . Something bad crop up! I will and for sure return! Will call you asap!
Sorry sorry. Really in a bad situation right now. My sim card, cannot function. =X

2009-04-04T01:00:00.000+08:00

Things to get , and do this month

Za concealer. $13
Eyebrow shadow $5
Beauty Credit Mascara $40
Beauty Credit White Eye liner $17
Pore Pacts $5
Diva's Bangles & earrings $40
Jeans Or Another Cargo pants $???
Mango Pants $50
Cotton On tank tops $20
Another Design, Different colour maxi dress. $??
Charles & Keith Bag. $60
Top up card!
Renew ezlink !
Return handphone! =X

Now, save save save save !! Red higlight, bought. Unhighlighted, yet to grab.

reason,season or lifetime.

2009-04-03T23:47:00.000+08:00

people came into your life for a reason, a season of a lifetime.
when you know which one it is,you will know what to do for that person.

when someone is in your life for a REASON.
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed
they have come to assist you through a difficulty.
to provide you with guidance and support.
to aid you physically,emotianally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend and they are.
they are there for a reason you need them to be
then,without any wrong doing on your part or at an incovenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring up the relationship to an end.
sometimes they die, sometimes they walk away.
sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
what we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled , their work is done.
the prayer you sent up has been answered,and now it is time to move on.

While some people came into your life for a SEASON.
because your turn has come to share,grow or learn.
they bring you an experienced of peace or make you laugh.
they may teach you something you have never done.
they usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
believe it is real,but only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetimes lessons,
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation,
your job is to accept the lesson,love the person.
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and area of your life.
it is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Therefor friends,weather or not you come for a reason,season or a lifetime.
you have onced been part of my life.
and i thanked you for everything.& i thanked god for you. ( :

be it in a bad way , or a good way.

Whether you guys have hurt me emotionally,physically or mentally.

p.s: life is wonderful .

2009-04-01T23:23:00.000+08:00

Been busy with school & family that i have no time to update my blog. Another reason is, lazy.
To my dear friends, Faris and Feeeqa , whom is currently going through a heartache period.
Please please please, be strong okay sayangs? Look , god has many things instore for us.
Things might not turn the way we want it to be now, but you never know in the future.
There is a soulmate for everyone. Cheer up okay ? You know, you got me. ((:

2009-03-27T15:50:00.002+08:00

Barbeque chicken & Bandong drink ! Fuhh ~ Poweeeeeeeeeeeeer !!

And i have a sudden gesture, to have these food above. Well, you can't blame me.

The last time i had barbeque chicken & pastamania was last year. Tell me bout it. Pathetic kan?

How many months have i not had them ? So, Anyone? Bring me to pastamania please? ^.^

Since its already officially, HALAL. There shouldn't be an problem right?

I feel like going to the beach with my family. Or perhaps go overseas?

It has been awhile since we last had our family outing.

Mom suggested that we should go abroad during the june holidays.

I want to go negeri mak saleh can, ibu? Hehs.

Unfortunately, i won't be look forward to it . Second brother is not going to be able to tag along.

Which means, Its not a family get away anymore. A family outing means so much to me.

Besides the meaning of father and mother i love you, of course.

It means that, Each and everyone of the family must and should be there for any outing.

If only things never happened the way it is right now.

oh god, quicken the time please.

Anyway, see this Lil guy here.

I will be busy from this week onwards every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday.

Will be teaching him, how to read basic Primary 1 English and Solve maths problem.

Make it simple, I'll be a tutor to my nephew and nieces.

Primary 3, Primay 1 and K1.

Yesterday was my first lesson with them, and I've learnt that in teaching, one needs to have a lot of patience.

Oh, my nephew was being such a cutie.

Him: '' Auntie Siti, can you teach me how to read? ''

ME : '' Read? You mean all along, you don't know how to read? ''

Him : '' Please? And can you teach me time time divide divide? ''

Me: '' Math? Multiplication and Division? ''

Him : '' uhh that one . ''

Scene 2 .

Spelling Test.

Him: '' I want lollipop too can? ''

Me: '' Cannot. You do your spelling first. All full marks then i give you. If not , wait long long. ''

Him: '' ( frustrated, sad face ) Alaaa, okay la . ''

Even after 3 times of testing, still not full marks. He lost hope and was at the verge of giving up.

Hence, he start throwing tantrums.

Me: '' Danial takmu nak perangai eyy. Auntie Siti tak suke. ''

Him : Kept quite, and lay his head on the table with sulky face.

Me: '' Belajar, kepala takmu letak atas table. Macam mane nak pandai?!! ''

Him : Slowly looked up and start to cry, fake one.

Me: '' Jangan nak ngade ngade ey. Jangan pemalas. ''

HA HA HA HA ! i love kids a lot.

I felt bad actually for treating him that way. Cause I've been very nice to him.

Whenever he wants something, I'll give it to him.

Whenever his parents scold him, and no one was on his side.

I was and will be there, to comfort him and entertain him.

But, i must teach him discipline. There is time to play,and time to be serious,especially in studies.

I don't want him to grow up in a wrong direction, and be a sampah masyarakat.

Okay! got to go. its already 6pm.

I have to go to national library, return the books and borrow some reading books for the Lil brats.

And off to sister's in law house. Tc readers! ((:

2009-03-25T19:27:00.003+08:00

BOY GIRL THING .

'' Now if your dude ain't acting right. You tell that dude, he got to go .

If that dude be claimin' that he broke. He got to go. '' - missy elliot .

To all the ladies out there.

Stop acting so laid back. Stop giving in. Stop being Miss. Nice already

Give yourself a break.

If you think the relationship is unhealthy. If you think that your guy is not appreciating you.

Fucking leave them. Show them, its not your lost.

Men just wants what they can't have. This is true.

( come on guys, stop denying. betol kan kan kaaaaaaaaan? )

And if you already have doubts on them. And even by confessing, does not work.

Or he does not make any effort to change and try his best to make it happen.

One word, Leave !

I'm not trying to be discouraging bout relationships here.

But i got sick and tired of girls, who complains bout their relationships to me.

Why complain? Why make it a big fuss? If you know you deserve better, then why still hold on?

selenger kan ? -.-

Please, stop blaming yourself too.

It's not you, it's him .

Nobody is perfect, but if you're with someone who is mistreating you.

You are with a person who is so far beneath you that you're pretty near perfect by comparison.

You girls, may ask yourself this at times.

'' i'm so great , so nice.then why doesn't he love me more? why is he acting this way? ''

And Blaaaa Blaaaaaaaaaa Blaaaaaaaaaaa.

But please try to understand that in your case,it's not you, it's him. Believe it or not.

It may have been some of your best qualities that got you into this situation.

Qualities such as, Being loyal, Honest, Trusting and Compassionate.

If your in an unhappy, unsatisfying relationship.

My ultimate advice is. . . ..

NUMBER ONE ! - WALK AWAY !!!

NUMBER TWO ! - BE WILLING TO HURT !!

NUMBER 3 - You must have a very strong foundation in order to do this. Like ME!! HA HA!

Well, as hard and as crazy as this may be to do.

If your just no longer happy, and always stressed up bout your guy.

Sometimes, the only solution is to say good-bye.

Look at it in a positive way, girls. Well, guys also can la. HaHa.

To some of my guy friends, If your girls are acting like one bitch, say good-bye !!

You guys know you can get any better girls you want. So why stick around?

Oh , my sister always mention this to me.

'' Buat pakai orang dulu, sebelum der buat pakai kite. Ha Ha Ha. ''

But, I'm not that sort. I believe in what goes around comes around.

Thats why, i let people hurt me. And i don't complain bout that.

Because i believe in god and i believe in his way of giving his people a lesson.

I let nature take it course. I don't seek revenge or hold grudges.

But that does not mean, whatever you did to me, is forgiven. ((:

So to those people,whom you think you have hurt me before, physically or mentally.

You may think that i have got over and put all of the shits behind me, but the truth is i've not.

HANYA TUHAN SAJA YANG TAHU .. heee

Okay i'm serious, be very very prepared for karma that is awaiting you. ( insert evil smile )

Anyway, like i've mentioned. Look it in a positive way.

There is always a chance that after you've left him.

He may realize that he is a complete idiot for behaving so poorly.

He will quite possibly do everything in his power to get you back.

Then, you can decide if you're willing to take him back .

Hope some how, these helps.

cheer up okay?

there is a soul mate for everyone. ((:

2009-03-24T23:36:00.001+08:00

Synergy Night

I had fun fun fun fun ! Especially with the darlings around.

Sorry for being late. It was not my fault okay. I left the house on time, the bus was just too slow.

Apek bus, berak agaknye. Lambat sangat sangat. Maaf sayangs.

And so, met ifah & arinie at Eunos Mrt last cabin, usual place if we're heading town.

The initial plan, was to meet at tampines small mac, 5 pm sharp.

But since, Ifaah baby still at home getting ready, i told her to just meet at Eunos instead.

And as expected, i'm late for 3o minutes. Heeee. ~

But they never complained, instead they laugh. Laugh for the way i walked.

It was very trouble some okay.

The maxi dress was just super long, aku niy da pendek.. ape lagi jalan pon terkedek kedek. Tskk~

Aku sibuk, tak abis abis, eyy amek gamba amek gamba aku !! full full ! haha. (=

Break time . 20 minutes. Took picture. Thanks sean! heeee. (( =

This was at simpang bedok.
We were very hungry, like monsters, we ordered 2 plates of Roti John.
Ifah & Ayu had the Roti John special with mushroom. While i just had the chicken.
I don't like mushroom, disgusting ! eeeeeeeeeew~

Off to simpang bedok.
That's ayu, she the one who spoils me, and treat me very very very the nice. ((:

Head home. Both were late, but step cool relax chill. Answer our mom's call like macam paham.
'' Ohh otw, oh tenga makan, ohh da dalam taxi.'' Banyak lah ohh ohh kaw. Haaa.
Thanks ayu, for the cab fare. Haa. Told ya, your spoiling us.

there are many other pictures, but i'm just plain lazy to upload them here.
goodbye readers, time checked its 2 am. Off to bed.

(:

2009-03-23T20:27:00.003+08:00

Monday blues , back to school !

I hate going to school on Monday. Why? Because there will be 3 periods of math.

Which means 2 hours of seeing Mr .Yeo , a very annoying step handsome teacher. BORING!!

But with the presence of my oh so lovely friends , nothing is going to be boring. ha ha.

I miss them a lot , especially girlfriends. They have been there for me through thick and thin.

I wonder how i will ever cope in school, without their presence.

this goes for you girls. ( ifah , ayu & arinie )

& Oh! I think I'm really blessed with wonderful people in my life?

Mr.Shahril was being such a sweetheart, he sponsor me the ticket for tomorrow synergy night.

Sponsor means FREE !! i don't even need to fork out any some of money .

( save duit aku 30 ketik, heehs . )

chemistry class :

He : '' Shila, are you going? Or your working tomorrow ? '' very concern face.

Me : '' uhh ? go where? synergy ? tak uh, takde cent. '' sad sympathy face.

He: '' Go la . i get the ticket for you. Kay ? '' Sincere face.

Me: '' uh ? really uh? don't want uh. must pay. '' worried face.

He: '' No need pay la , sayang . I sponsor . okay . go kay ''

Me: ( ape lagi , bedal je leeeer . ) '' Okay ! thanks !! heeeee. ''

all the way, muka ada senyum sajaaaa. hoho !

Oh. i'm beginning to love my school more and more right now.

Anyways, these will be this week schedule.

Tuesday ,24 / 3 - Synergy night ,7pm - 10 pm at Esplanade Theater
Wednesday , 25/3 - No School. Elearn day. ( meaning, all students will be studying at home through online)
Thursday, 26/3 - No School . Going for a job interview at Novena Square. This time its retail baybey!
Friday- Sunday , No plans yet. Heehs.

Now, I'm off to meet Ayu baby at tanah merah . She called, and insist of taking the cab.

Babe, you really got to learn to be budget terminal like me. Cannot always take cab.

Your spoiling yourself, and me your close friend !! =X

p.s: i'm good with or without you.

2009-03-22T12:45:00.003+08:00

& finally , a day free to update my dead blog. Ha Ha . ^-^
Tell me about it , how long have i not been updating my blog? a month ? weeks? Oh well ~

Life has been quite a roller coaster ride for me. Well, its more to downs than ups. Why?
Simple, cause I'm the type of girl, who believes people very easily. VERY VERY EASILY .
And i easily bought people's excuses. One word , gullible.
Hence, this leads to a situation , that people will always take advantage of me.
Instead of respecting this trust i have towards them, as a bond. As something to treasure for.
They used my faith against me. They lied, they toiled around with my feelings.
And i don't realized this, till someday god just can't see me getting hurt longer, he gave me a hint.
How silly and stupid can i be?Blind over love? Love that means nothing ? Hurr ~
Congrats to you, that i fell into your trap. I was foolish, not to think that your going to lie to me.

It's only natural, i figure that since i wouldn't lie, why would you?
Which is totally wrong ! Your such a liar, penipu haram . Benci Benci Benci !
But sorry baby, I'm not that kind of girl . You want to play games with me?
We can, just name it, but not for long.

Why? Because, I can tolerate your nonsense, but there is a limit.
My level of tolerance, is low. Once caught red handed, good-bye. You got to go.
If your not leaving, well I'll be more than happy to make the first move.
It hurts, it does. It hurts so much, that i fell sick for 1 week?
( muke kaw mesti ada senyum kan , bacer niy? Suke kan aku sakit? -..- )

C'mon, I'm a girl with a very fragile heart. Once broken, it takes a very long time to mend .
But this is not going to be a barrier for me to be strong and move on.
Walking away and staying away, requires the ability to endure pain and loneliness.
I do admit, every single bone in my body urge me to go back to you, and give in.
But i can't, i can't afford to hurt again, i have to resist the temptation.
Well, lucky me, i got my lovely trusted family to lean on, to help me get through this pain.
And i really, thanked god for having them.

p.s: back to square one. Baby, its not my lost. Scrambler or even Mazda?

i don't give a shit. ((:

2009-03-08T16:03:00.002+08:00

HOME SWEET HOME

3 days 2 night & now i'm finally back home! It feels so good to be at home again.

Well, unfortunately it sux as i have not yet received my pay. HELLO ! its already a month plus.

I'm broke right now. I need money(!!!)

I've so many things to clear.

Replacement for the lost ezlink card
Fines of library books.
A new handphone ( someone has already pester me to return his handphone) -.-
Repay my loans to my mom
And other personal needs, which will cost me around 200 bucks in total.

This is crazy okay. Its driving me insane.
I've to settle many things, those are just the priorities.
i have my art work & malay assignment to complete before this monday.

Now, mom is at hospital. I'm sorry ibu, sorry to make you worry.
You know, i never intended to trouble you. Sorry if i can't be there for you.
I know, i've been a burden to you. Nothing, but a burden.
I'm just too stress up that i neglected my responsibility as a daughter.
I don't blame you, to get upset and sulk towards me, giving me the cold shoulder.
Get well soon okay, ibu? i love you, i do.

& baby, the past won't repeat with you around. All we need is time.

p.s: Doesn't mean i didn't show you with my actions, i don't care.

2009-03-02T00:36:00.000+08:00

OFFICIALLY YOURS, love.

2009-03-01T20:05:00.002+08:00

Feelings when I'm with you.

The feelings when I'm around you.

The warmth i felt when you hug me very tightly.

That lips when you kiss me, we can go on kissing till the next morning.

The ride, when you hold me right to your chest.

Those hands when it wipe away my tears on my cheeks.

The chemistry we have with each other, the moment when I'm with you, i felt at ease.

Those kisses, oh baby its irresistible.

Its weird, yea it is. Confession of how both felt being together.

You asked me, if i felt tired kissing you, no baby, i don't.

You asked me, if I'm going to leave you.

Well, baby, I'll hold on to your hands till the day you let it go.

I can't give you the world, i can't give you the moon, the stars.

But i can give you my heart, my love & care to you.

I'll treasure each moment i have whenever I'm with you.

Have faith & trust in me, baby.

I won't leave you, please don't be afraid.

Counting down the days, lets take one step at a time. Don't worry everything will be alright.

I'll pray to the man above, & send you my guardian angel, to guide you during the process.

Baby, I'm in love with you.

There is more to this, but words just can't describe how i truly feel.

Slowly, time will time.

2009-02-21T23:30:00.004+08:00

HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY , NUR ZARIFAH BINTE KASSIM !

Well , things did not went like how it was planned. But thanks to lizz baby, it worked, somehow.

The initial plan was to bring best friend to secret recipe, and surprise her there.

Well,unfortunately, that plan was cancelled.

Things croped up along the way, as best friend knew about it when i asked her for lizz number.

I sux at lying especially, right to their face.

Hence, my face turn red when best friend kept pestering me to tell her the truth in school.

The next day, which was today,I told lizz about the plan.
& luckily lizz is a happy go lucky type of girl, she ain't fussy & choosey.

She agreed with the plan that i'm going fake a lie to best friend , that i can't make it.

But i'll be meeting them later around 6, to make a surprise without her knowledge.

Met lizz baby, at tamp to buy a cake and a present for best friend at 3 .

Silly best friend, she was complaining to lizz bout how dissappointed she was,that i can't tag along.

Silly her, she didn't knew that lizz was pretending she knew nothing, and was updating me.

Reached somerset around 5 plus, called lizz, asked her where abouts.

Met them at level 4, Cineilesure.

Thanked god..bestfriend was facing another direction with her head lie down on the table.

Slowly, at the count of 1 2 3 and GO !

I came from behind with the cake and candles lighted on, singing a birthday song.

Best friend, was speechless & shocked! Ha Ha! I won't forget her expression when she saw me.

Tears of joy and touched was on her eyes. I swore she was at the verge of crying! Ho Ho.

& there it was, a group hug of lizz baby, best friend & me. aww ~
Best friend, making a wish.

( & i hope, your wish will come true. insyallah* )

Next, we headed to Far East.

I wanted to eat cockles kway teow at cahaya, but there were too many people.

Changed mind, We went to nana thai instead. Girlfriends, had their dinner.

They just ordered a drink & had cake, while i had chicken fried rice & ice lemon tea. Yummy!

Off to meet Babygirl & friends at Haji lane. Again, shisha session. Ha Ha! As usual, Mossi Cafe.

& unexpectedly, there were many people there. like super a lot.
Saw many familiar faces. Nice bumping on you guys! & nice knowing you too,new friends!
(:

Ha Ha ! please excuse this dragon face!

I love them the most!

Shagged. Went home at 2 am . Working in a few hours time, at 9am! till then , lovelies!

p.s: & i love you so fucking much too, best friend! ((:

2009-02-20T23:27:00.001+08:00

Excited for tomorrow.

This year, its going to be different for you , girl. ((:

Just for you.

2009-02-19T21:14:00.003+08:00

I'm going with the flow. I'm happy with the way i am now.

Say whatever you want to satisfy yourself. Your just making me famous.

Watched the news earlier on, the government made certain changes for the transport.

And i think, its really pathetic of them to deduct only 1 cents for students and 2 cents for adult.

How stingy can these governor be? We at least need 10 cents to go toilet.

I understand the economic crisis is bad, but by deducting only 2 cents?

It doesn't make any difference. Its really stupid. really !

I was laughing my ass out with Ayah, when i heard about it.

Ayah was complaining and repeating the same thing continuously, '' taik kuching la. Bodoh, gila.''

And i went ,'' Ha Ha! Kasi nenek die pon, dier tak nak ey ayah. Lokek. ''

& how could a father be so heartless to kill his own flesh & blood, 2 year old son?

What the hell was in his mind? There are many married couples out there,dying to have a son.

Yet you, being blessed with such a wonderful son, could actually did something cruel?

Don't you know how to be grateful?

Its such a disgrace, i felt the sorrows when i saw the news.

Felt sorry for the boy's mom & family, i can see how disheartened they were.

May you rest in peace~. insyallah. amin

Despite being pissed off by his action's, I really do hope, that he will not be sentenced death.

Think before doing anything, cause at the end of the day, its not only you who suffer.

p.s: Kuatkan la iman mereka, ya allah. Tempati lah, arwahnya di sisimu.

2009-02-18T20:24:00.000+08:00

Finally, common test is over! Perhaps, i should not get so hype up. I've yet to know the results.
Well except for math, I failed by 3 marks, due to careless mistake.

itu laa, siape tak suroh check lagi. tsk ~~
Lets no be demoralised by it. I still have my Sa1, Ca2 and Sa2 to count on.
As long as i don't give up, and lead the right way, there is still hope for me. ^.^ insyallah.

Anyway, 1 more week to camp. Haaaa! Tell me bout it. I'm so excited for the camp.

The only reason I'm excited, cause i want to see the instructors! HA HA HA !

Last year's instructors was hot hot heat. Hot to the max, so not. OK , this is so exaggerating.

I still remembered how the girls tried to crave for his's attention. Especially the cina girls.

Basically, I'm so over the moon, is because, all the kaki gerek is in my class.

And, i have a very outgoing , friendly yet stubborn annoying classmates. Still i love them a lot.

I am so sure, the instructor in charged of my class is going to have a hard time dealing with us, monsters ! =DD

& boy, action speaks louder than words. Stop wasting my time. Thanks.

2009-02-17T16:56:00.003+08:00

Don't jump into conclusion , babe. Don't misinterpret.
This are all just misunderstanding. Misunderstanding that lead to unnecessary argument.

You know i care for you, don't you?

& this weather is killing me right now. Its getting hotter ! What is happening to the world?
Imagine, you sweat the whole day? Even if you did not do anything, and just sit.
You still sweat ? And no matter how many times you shower, you still sweat too?
Feel like getting myself grounded and locked in the refrigerator ! -.-

grr~

Good Good news. Finally I'm able to work morning shift on Sunday.

I think i should really give myself a break from all the sheesha session with friends.

Cause this sore throat is killing me, I'm losing my voice and it sux, cause i sound like a jantan already.

Also, i must start going home early on every Friday & Saturday.

I've been reaching home very late at 3-4am, every week without fail, unintentionally .

Ibu & Ayah has been kind to me, giving me the freedom i want.

They allowed me to work, Hang out with anyone , anytime.

Treating me like a young adult, by understanding me & having trust in me.

Thanks guys!

'' Jadi, orang kata, jangan la abaikan kebebasan dan kepercayaan, mak bapak. ''

p.s: Mind your own business, okay aunt.

Stop interfering with ibu's & my life, which consists of my family.

I suggest you should really put a full stop to whatever your doing now.

Hurt my ibu's heart & you'll know the consequences.

Its normal to be a failure .

That is the only way to succeed.

Ya allah, beri la pertunjuk dan balasan kepadanya.

2009-02-16T20:58:00.002+08:00

I'm walking away .
Away from distractions.

Away from people who don't know how to appreciate me.
Away from things that will break my heart, endlessly.
Away from two-face people. Away from everything that does not bring any benefits in my life.
Now the old me , is dead & gone. Gone for good.

P.s: Many people will walk in & out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

2009-02-15T20:29:00.002+08:00

Act like your age, not your shoe's size .

I think it is really pathetic of you to be acting that way.

Seriously, go and do some reflection. Cause babe, you sould be ashamed of everything you did.

Where is your pride as a lady? Well, even if your not those religious type, to even start off with.

You should at least have your pride as a lady.

& oh , i believe i deserve better than him.

Like come on, a girl like me don't deserve a guy like that.

God is fair. The right one will come, what's there to hurry?

I'm different, i'm not like you who get obssesed over a guy and just can't accept the reality of life.

And of course your double my bitch, cause at the beginning , i'm an angel.

HurHur. ^-^

2009-02-14T13:15:00.004+08:00

And I'm missing my brother right now. Oh god, please let the time fly a lil faster,please?

I can't take this burden anymore. I got enough of pretending. I'm tired, really. ~

Well, nevertheless life has been good so far. God has been kind towards me.
And i thanked Him for that. Receive a letter from the school, parent are proud of it.
I'm glad that the school has been very nice to me.

Now, I've look upon my school as my second home.

A place where i can share my happiness & sorrow with.

Will be having my common test in 2 days time. Synergy Night, in a week time.
And school camp in 3 weeks time. Best friend's birthday is around the corner too.
Unfortunately, i have to attend work on that day. Ifaa baby, not to worry okay?
I'll try to take an early leave or change schedule with my friend. Pray hard ~.

Speaking bout work, Haaa! I was 3 hours early yesterday. How silly can i be at times?

My manager was giving me this '' eh why she come '' look when i walked in.

And so, i was suppose to start work at 6, but i came at 4 instead.

Called Mr. Blur and told him about it, and as i expected, he burst out into laughter.

But being very sweet, he accompanied me for that 3 freaking hour talking to me on the fone. Thanks you! hehs~! ((:

& oh , like finally ? I got a valentino to celebrate valentines?

HAHA! dream on dude, i won't fall into your trap.

So fuck off & leave , cause boy, i'm not your typical type of girl.

I may be young at age, but i got a brain of a 52 year old mom. ( i think like my mom)

I know what you got in your mind. Just burn your motive towards me, okay?

Seriously, i don't even care cause its not my lost, baybeh .

Now i got last minute plans. But i have to work at 5 to 10, today. How How? Ishh~.

Guess, i'm going home late again.

Anyway, happy vday to all~! ^.^

2009-02-08T15:08:00.003+08:00

I'm not interested . I'm not . I'm not . I'm not.

so if you dudes, don't mind. Stop calling, texting, stalking & do anything to get through me.

Cause your just wasting your time & money . hehs! ^.^

I'm single and not mingle. I don't want to mingle and tingle. Yes Yes, you guys read it right.

Why cannot uh? This time i really want to be single with no guys in contact !

Infact, i am not contacting any single guy right now.

So stop assuming i got someone new already can?

-..-

Except for my uncle , who is like my boyfriend already.

Asking my where abouts, fetching me from work.

Bring me to dinner and entertaining my nonsense.

Talking with me about everything be it censored or not. Haaaa. i love him, a lot oi !

So can you just do me a favour by leaving me alone? Seriously, your getting on my nerves.

( nasib aku ni penyabar )

thank you very the much hor. grr~ .

2009-02-07T12:05:00.003+08:00

i'm good . i'm through . i'm better off without you.

Yes you ! No one else, but you !

stop poundering, its you !

so bitches & jerks , fuck off & leave . Cause this time, i don't care anymore .

i got my true friends , my family & my babygirl here with me. & i don't need you .

Thank you for being a part of my life though.

Thank you for making me realised that i should really stop caring for the wrong person.

Thank you for waking me up from all the fantasies you guys brought into my life.

Hence, You can just leave now.

Goodbye.

p.s: '' siapa makan lada, dia lah yang rasa pedasnya ! hoho ! ((: ''

2009-02-05T16:32:00.004+08:00

Apology for the lack of updates . Life has been quite a mess, but i'm coping well.

Just a little of hick ups in life,won't kill me especially when the people who really care & love me are around to guide me.

Anyway, school has been great. The teachers, the new environment & the new friends .

Well, not really new, there are quite a majority of them who are in the same boat as me. Haa!

Guess, its not a bad thing after all to repeat a year? More bonds & chemistry in friendship?

To those teachers & Discipline master. Thanks for being there for me.

Thanks for guiding me along the way. Thanks for motivating me & understanding me.

I won't be who i am now, without the teachings you guys taught me.

Ifaa baby, i promise you i'm not going to give up on school. I'm not going to disappoint you.
I will promise you, that i'm going to put my best in school. Trust me babe.
I don't want you to get upset, neither do i want to bring down my family & the teachers who have been there for me.
Babe, we are going through the same thing now.
We have seen each other cry & laugh, be it on school matters, family or even guys.
Thank you, for being there always. Thank you for you has always been my listening ear.
Thank you for brightening my days in school with your funny comments. I love you, and i do.
Oh babe, we don't need other man to make it happen you see. We got mr. Shahril ! HAHAH! ((:
we have set our goals, lets aim for it okayy ?

the past cannot be changed, the future is still in our hands. okay baybeh ?

p.s: babygirl, Hani , you know you will never be replaced. ^.^

2009-02-04T17:11:00.002+08:00

! First day of work !

! tired tired tired !

shagged ! weak ! sleepy ! hungry !

CRAZY

p.s: baru aku tahu berape susahnyee, mak bapak aku cari duit ! hargai hargai , shila ! =X

2009-02-03T00:27:00.000+08:00

OFFICIALLY YOURS.

2009-02-01T15:10:00.004+08:00

HAPPY 20 th BIRTHDAY NURHAFIZAH BINTE KASSIM!

May god bless you & may your wishes come true. ( insyallah )

only god knows how much i love you, kak!

Hope you have read the birthday letter i wrote for you.

2009-01-31T14:44:00.003+08:00

Saturday Outing
(( take your time to read & look at the pictures below ! haahaa ! ))

Woke up early in the morning,to Queenstown, accompany mom to a certain place.

Uncle drove us there, since i was being such an ass! HoHo.

On the way, feeling very hungry, physcho uncle to bring us for breakfast before proceeding.
Hence, we went to adam's road & had my double egg prata with teh susu ! all time favourite! ((:

It took us one freaking hour just to wait to enter the room.

Lucky me , my mom was there to entertain my nonsense and just laugh at my lame jokes.

And all i did was to keep my mouth numb and just cry looking at him, when we were called in.

Left 5 minutes, all i said was '' jaga diri, happy birthday, kau bodoh buat ibu nanges! bye '' .

The officer did nothing, but just gave me a cheer up smile, when he saw me cry.

But tell me? How long more i have to shed tears, right?

Hence, as normal, i put on an act in front of my uncle when he fetch us.

Mom told me, i'm such a good actress! Perhaps, if there is any vacancy?

Why not kan, ibu? HAAHAA! i love drama! It will bring out something new out of me! hehs.

Anyways, ayeen baby called up, asking my where abouts.

Told her everything, hur! someone is so excited bout the outing huh? hoho~~

Before heading home, uncle wanted to have his lunch over at the coffee shop near my house.

I swear , i was being arrogant & jual mahal when he offer me to eat something.

And he knew i love the nasi ayam there! its superb nice la, like power!

( ape lagi kan? orang nak belanja? tak kan nak tolak? heehee! )

I was very full & bloated, but that does not stop me from going out.

And so i went home and got ready for another outing to celebrate Hazwan's birthday.

Sorry guys for being late, as usual shila will never be punctual. HoHo!

And to make it up to ayeen baby for lying and being late, i simply got her a heart balloon from freshkon.

I was being tak tahu malu, asked the ladies for 2 ballons, who was distributing them.

One for my babygirl, who insisted but lost the balloon half way while rushing to meet ayeen.

( nevermind okay hani? yang kali aku beli one whole packet, tiup kan kau. okayy? hee! )

Well lets leave the pictures to do the talking aight?

Cause if i were to pen down everything that happened, it going to take me years to finish and summarise all up.

( cheyy ! hahaha. okay maybe not years but days? hoho ! )

Here are the pictures ! Enjoy.

In fahmi's honda stream car !

Ayeen baby, was being such a cutie.
'' ey buat muke idiot! '' banyak la you nye idiot ayeen. Its more to '' muke sek''
heh! ((:

Enjoying myself with chocolate ice blend and with the comfortable sofa & cooling aircon!

My girls rock, does yours?

It was our first meet up, but it was as if we know each other for ages!

i love you people! yesyes. i do !

A sent from above, i love them all.

what more can i asked for? with these people on my saturday night?

Baby, i will always stand by you like this okay?

We rap up our day by having a nice dinner at Arnold.

Sidetrack: Thanks for the bubble tea , and thanks for the karaoke treat!

First pay my turn la okay?

p.s: i thanked god, for blessing me with all these lovely angels ( include family).

Guess, i'm really am being loved by them? & i don't wish to lose any of you ! ^.^

effa , meet up soon okay! gue da rindu kamu. nanti gue da start kejer on this coming week.

2009-01-30T13:28:00.000+08:00

SACRIFICE

'' Walau ku masih mencintaimu
Ku harus meninggalkanmu
Ku harus melupakanmu
Meski hatiku menyayangimu
Nurani membutuhkanmu
Ku harus merelakanmu ''

2009-01-29T22:35:00.004+08:00

Now , it is time to make a difference. Gone for good . Missing in action .

Goodbye & sorry lovely angels. You know who you are . =/

'' aku lari tinggalkan semua ini , untuk mencari ketenangan diri .
Keluhan hatiku tak siapa yang tahu
Ku simpan semua sebak di dada
Biar ku yang terluka
Pernahkah kau mengerti caraku memujukmu
Pernahkah kau hargai caraku mencintaimu
Pernahkah kau peduli betapa sedih diriku ini

Mengapa,Aku yang terluka.Aku yang merana.
Aku yang menahan sisa baki cinta ini ( dan hidup )
Engkau yang meminta, Aku yang sengsara. ''

p.s: & i will miss you , abang . i will .

2009-01-28T21:51:00.000+08:00

I don't know how to put this feelings into words. I don't know how to overcome this. I'm stucked.

I miss you, abang. I miss your laughter, your jokes, your silliness. I miss those times.
I miss the times, i slept with you on the bed with kakak together.
We in one bed, covering ourselves with blanket, listening to 89.7 Fm , misteri jam 12.
I don't know how long more i can take this burden. I miss you like so fucking much,abang.
Every night, Every hour, Every minute, Every seconds i just can't help but to think of you.
How are you abang?? I want to hug you, meet you for the last time before you go.

I dreamt that your in pain with the strokes.
I can't bear to see tears rolling down on ibu & ayah's cheeks.
I was there to hug ibu, for the very first time and to comfort her when she was crying badly.
All i want is our family to be together, again. That is the only thing i want, nothing else.
I swore, i fake a smile, when you was not there to celebrate dad's birthday.
Just when i thought of celebrating your birthday with kakak together, for the first time on the 8th.
These shits happened. You don't know how much it affected me deeply.
I can't seem to concentrate in class, I can't sleep, thinking bout you.
What will you have for lunch? dinner? supper? How are you going to sleep?
Who is going to take care of you? Your clothes? wash your dishes?
As i have been the one doing the house chores for you, and our family.
Who is going to apply medication on you after the strokes? Who is going to be there for you?
I don't want to lose you, not even a single soul of our family or my beloved friends and best friends.
Memories of our family together, lingering on my mind, abang. All of them are fresh in my mind.

if i have one wish , i wish we could be together as one , again . ))=
the pressure is on me, they are putting high hopes on me. I'm tired of everything. really.

2009-01-24T16:21:00.003+08:00

SATURDAY & CONFESSION

There were a slight changes for today. My saturday was spent, going to the polyclinic at 8.15 for an injection.
Now, i'm feeling weak, my arms are getting numb. I'm turning into iron man,soon. okay lame!
Well, then head home to help mom with the cooking and got myself ready to meet Fareiz for a movie.
So, we watch bride wars. The movie was great, it was hilarious and cute!
( Babygirl, i imagine you & me in this movie. go & catch it okay ? Its a must ! )
Fareiz had to go off for work, so i text effa darling to meet up and hang out. Thanks for the company, dear.
No worries okayy? Everything will be fine, trust me. we shall hang out again soon.
i love you, babe. I do, i want to make you happy, and i hope too that this friendship will last. ((:

& this is a special dedication to ifaa dimps & Honey b, no matter what you girls are still the best.
You have been there for me through ups & downs giving me endless motivation.
You were there to see me cry,laugh,sleep,eat,naked. ( i know you know ! )
And Honey B,we may not spent much time together, due to our busy scedule and hectic life.
but trust me on this, nothing is going to stop me from cherishing you & loving you guys alright ? ^.^

To ayeen baby, With or without that angel in you, i'm still going to care for you. this i promise.
And thank you too, for hearing me crying my hearts and soul out.
Thank you for listening to all and whatever i have to say. Thanks for being there.
I know life has been quite a roller coaster ride for you, but i believe that karma will hit him.
Be strong okayy? I know you can overcome all this shits , slowly but surely!
I have faith in you, lets just enjoy life to the fullest okay? There are many break- ups to go.
But lets not let this bring us down, and look forward for what god has instore for us. okay? (:

p.s : i love these girls . <33

2009-01-23T02:30:00.000+08:00

Watched love matters with ifaa,best friend and her sister + friends at century square earlier on.
This is a must show to watch ! Its a good show, really. You will burst into laughter for sure.
i will rank it , 4 stars out of 5 !! (:
Hanging out with ifaa's sister & friends, actually taught me a lot of undiscovered things just now.
They taught me, the true meaning of love & the factuals bout guys, which i'm not aware of.
Thanks guys for the words of motivation. Now i guess, i will occupy myself with school,work and family.
I really need to move on, life has to go on. Don't let the past's disappointments cast a shadow on future's dreams.

Upcoming schedule.
Saturday, 24 January - Check up appointment at 8:15, then meet the people.
Sunday,25 January - Work, then buy ayah's present .
Monday,26 January - Ayah's birthday, celebration. Family gathering.
Tuesday,27 January- Stay home, revise.
Wednesday - back to school again.

2009-01-22T00:47:00.001+08:00

SHAGGED !

Well, i just got home from a subway, job interview at paradiz centre near cathay.

I was told to come at 3pm for the interview, hence instead of coming on time, i came late at 445.

Reason for being late, i was dismissed late and i have to settle some class party thing which involves money !!

Well, anyway. HAHA ! Lucky me, i knew how to socialise and thanked god, the manager was the gerek type.

No worries Mr. Alson, i will convinced you that not all malay are the same! (=

Hence, despite of being late and the corrupted vocabs i used to conversate with him.

I'M HIRED !! YEAY YEAY ! so i will be working on wednesday,friday,saturday and sunday.

I have yet to know, which outlet i'm being posted to. It will be either SMU or PARADIZ CENTRE.

let's look forward for what he has instore for me.

2009-01-21T15:37:00.004+08:00

BE GRATEFUL, PEOPLE.

I came across this forward email by a friend.

I couldn't control my emotions, that i start crying the moment i look at this pictures.

Imagine, if you were in his shoes? That was your very last moment with your mom.

She gave the last word and the last breathe to you.

It was a critical moment, you were speechless.

You don't know what to do, but to just scream and shed tears.

Have you guys ever dream of this before? Have you ever thought of this?

Well, i suggest you should now. Reflect and reconsider before its just too late.

Never take things for granted. Appreciate and cherish your loved ones now.

I thanked god, that i still have my loved ones alive, i'm blessed.

I still have my parents to watch me grow, and to support me.

Without them, i won't be who i am now, and where i am now.

And, i thanked god, that I'm am born in Singapore. A safe and convenient country.

We should be thankful that, we don't have to go through what they go through in most of the countries.

P.s : '' Ya allah, lindungi la mangsa mangsa ini.

Beri mereka semangat dan kekuatan untuk terus menjalani hidup ini.

Tempati la mereka yang sudah meninggal dunia, di sisimu, ya allah. insyallah.amin ''

2009-01-20T17:32:00.004+08:00

Have you ever felt or been through in this situation before?
Situation that is very complicated?
Have you ever been in love from just a simple crush?
A crush that means nothing,but it slowly grew into love?
You never believe in love again at that point of time, but when you met this particular someone,he or she makes you believe love for a second time?
Hence, you thought to yourself, to give it a try and stick to one?
Have you ever trusted someone so much that you never thought that he or she would betrayed your trust by doing something behind your back?
But as days passes by, you sense something was not right. Even how much the guy or girl contact you try to make you convinced, you still have that sense of feeling.
Yet, you was blind over love, the trust you had for them was so strong that you told yourself to get rid of that wild thoughts.
And unfortunately, he or she didn't realised that one day, they can no longer keep you in the dark ?
Hence, you found out that, they contacted other girl or guy behind you all along? Better still, they actually went out together having fun??
Unexpectedly, the girl or guy that your love was contacting was actually your friend? A friend that you respected, care and love even if you was not a close one?
How does it feel to go through so much pain? How does it feel when everything that you guys have been through was actually a false hopes?
Words that mean nothing, just another sweet empty words? Yet, you still treat them so nice with sincere despite all the things that they had done to you?
You accepted him or her, again. But they took that opportunity for granted. Hence, he was acting strangely, telling you that he miss your friend?
Therefore, you being you, You want the best for both of them, for others.
You don't mind sacrifising, even if it hurts soooooooo fucking much ?

Yes Yes, you guys may be wondering who and what shit i'm talking about .
Well, you guys can stop poundering now. This happened to me,recently.
Just when i thought i want to start off my love stroy for 2009 right , i got toiled like an underwear/ ezlink card / barbie doll. -.-
And again, i had sacrifise for other's happiness, for my love.
I'm not typing this down, cause i want to make someone guilty or sorry . I'm not even complaining ! I just want them to acknowledge how i feel, how much i've gone through.
Perhaps, his not the right one for me. Perhaps, i've chose the wrong guy to be serious with.
Or maybe, this is karma? Whatever the reason is, i'll accept the fact and i'll take this as a test from god.
Lets just hope for the best. Go on girl , goooo. I'll pray for you & him , and i'll pray to god to bless you guys. (:

p.s: '' And he won't take something without giving any in return. Same as he won't give, without taking something from you. proverbs''.

2009-01-19T18:40:00.002+08:00

Saturday, out with the girls.
Thank you girls, for listening to me, and cheering me up with your advise. Thanks for being there to see me cry my hearts out, and lending a shoulder to cry on.

i love you girls, a lot. Yes Yes, fo'real ! (:

2009-01-18T00:38:00.003+08:00

Ketulusan Hati.mp3 - Marshanda

And so, it is officially over now.
Guess, everything was just a false hopes. Hopes that mean nothing. Go on, boy.
Just go to her, i'm sure she is missing you badly now too.
Like i've said, '' if leaving you makes you happy,then i don't mind sacrifisng for my love.''

I just want to end it by thanking you for the wonderful year of months knowing you.
You tought me,not to trust someone fully. You tought me how to fall in love again.
You tought me things i never knew that i am capable of doing, like kicking those habits.
I believe, things happen for a reason. And i believe, in life, we meet new people.
Some come for a reason, a season while others are lifetime partners.
Hence, you came into my life for a reason and just a season.
I too believe that, if we are fated, we will. If there is love, there's us.
Its hard to make this desicion,but i'm doing this for your happiness.
And to set you free from any confusion. ( well, what goes around comes around.)

p.s: it takes time to leave and forget,but with god's will, nothing is impossible.

goodluck for your future. i will always pray for you, taufiq ghani.

2009-01-16T23:32:00.000+08:00

You don't know how much it brings me down after knowing the truth.
Yet, i still accept you with both arms & heart wide open.
It seems that you don't even appreciate this chance, or better still me.
You don't realised how much i have done for you. Mainly because I'm blind over love.
Love that does not even bring any benefits to me, love that is so blind that i put others before myself. I have trusted you all along, fully.
Yes baby, emphasise -> fully.
All i need from you is integrity, sincerity and faithfulness. Is that too much to ask for ?
Just when i thought i want to start off my love story for 2009 right, shits occured.
I wonder, and thought to myself, what did i do in the past that i deserve?
I am sick and tired of guys treating me like an ezlink-card , tap and go . ( right sukashi baby ? )

'' Ya allah, beri la aku pentujuk. insyallah. ''

2009-01-15T21:07:00.008+08:00

You always, listen to what others have to say but not me. '' tuan punya diri ''.

Anyway, I'm feeling over joyed for the moment.
Will be having a photo session for the muslimah anggun competition tomorrow.
Anyone want to accompany me? My family will be busy tomorrow,so i have to go alone in lost.
OH YES YES ! I am selected for the top 5 finalist. ( alhamdulilah )
perhaps its a change of life? Maybe god just want to give me a hint that i have yet to find out.
Well, lets just take things slowly and wisely.

Babygirl, i think its time we meet and talk things out.

I really miss you.

P/s: Thank you,god. You have answered my prayers.

Just so you know, even though we are not like what we used to be, i have always pray to him to shower you with blessings and guide you through.

glad you did well for your o's. ( your mom told me)
I have always love you ( like a lot ) , even though i can be very heartless. ( i admit this )

forgive me? =X

2009-01-13T15:42:00.003+08:00

This is life

The truth hurts,but its better to be hurt now than later.

I'm sorry if i had to be honest with you.

I'm doing it because i have treated you like a bestfriend to me, even we are not that 'close'.

I have to tell you,cause i don't want to live in guilt, pretending everything is alright.

You are not feeling it alone, we are going through the same thing.

Frankly, i miss you. I have no intentions of hurting your feelings,dear girlfriend.

Once again, I'm sorry. =X

2009-01-11T21:21:00.004+08:00

You will realised soon that you are at a losing point,when something bad is going to happen to me.Just wait for the right time.
Mean while, i pray and wish you all the best for your results.

One by one, they left. Who's next? (:

Behind this smile,lies a sorrow that not even her close one know and understand. =x

2009-01-10T12:23:00.002+08:00

Cause even if I leave alone, I'm good
And even if you come along, I'm good
Don't mean a thing to me cause, I'm good
With or without you
If you wanna play games with me then, I'm good
Say what you do for me than, I'm good
You don't really mean a thing cause, I'm good
With or without you

p.s : Thank you for telling the whole world about how bad i am.
Its never you, it has always been me. yea, just me alone.
I'm the devil, your the angel. kan?
Hence, devil don't need angel in her life now.
So if you don't mind, the doors is always open for you to leave.
Please make your own way, thank you. -.-
Oh, since i have always treated you like a dog, why bother messaging me? KANKAN?

2009-01-08T19:27:00.003+08:00

ALL ACCOUNTS DELETED . ONLY BLOG AND MSN LEFT .

WON'T BE ACTIVE ANYMORE .

don't bother asking why, i deleted my accounts or the current changes in me.

The way i live does not concerns you.

And this goes to you too, girl. All the best for o's, people. (:

i just hate you, even if your my other half.

2008-12-30T00:10:00.002+08:00

YOUR A PATHETIC PUERILE , WITH A CAPITAL BOLD P !!

Its silly and stupid on how you actually have the cheek to lie, thought that i would believe you.
Just accept the fact will you? Between me & you, its officially over. It has been a year.
I am so over you, and I'm sick of you!
How can you actually claim that, that child is not yours?
And you got nothing to do with her pregnancy when actually your the one who fucked her!?
How do you even have the guts to say that, you did this because of me.
Because you want me back, and that i refused. And so, you have no choice but to deal with her.
You're such a jerk! You had wonderful pleasure with her, and you got yourself into this shit.
Yet, you want to make me feel guitly. Excuse me mr. I got nothing to do with you anymore.
I am better off without you. My life has been great, the day you left me.
It has been nothing, but a joyful life! You got yourself into this shit, so just fucking get it done!
You don't have the right to drag me in this story.
Thanked god! I broke off with you as soon as possible!
If not, i guess, i would be pragnant instead of her!
I was amazed, when i found out that you actually, still persuade her for sex.
Even though you jolly well know that she's pregnant! You forced for sex?
What are you? What kind of human being are you?
What kind of sastifaction is there in you? ANIMAL?? Too horney is it ?

It just upset me, to see you doing this to her.
Even though, i do not know her well. She is still my friend.
Don't you realised on how much pain you brought to others? How much they suffer cause of you?
Can you please, think bout how other feels?
Don't do things that you don't like others to do to you. She had gone through so much, for you.
Even if you want to run away from her, at the very least do it after she delivers the baby.
For godsake, it is your child she is giving birth to. Not others.
It hurts me, when you actually claim that, DNA stated its not yours, when the truth is, it is.
& lastly, nothing is going to make me, accept you in my love life again.
leave me alone.

2008-12-29T21:01:00.005+08:00

while waiting for mom & dad to arrive, we played this silly yet funny game. It was a tie.

pardon my stress up face.

it has been ages, since i last saw them being so happy together. (:

Bedok jetty.

Feeling hungry, we headed to the lagoon.

The usual meal, i will eat whenever i went east coast.

all time favourite.

Next, headed to tampines mall.

Accompanied dad to courts for some deal. While waiting, went to arcade.

And i almost got myself this!!

Fortunately, i got the green care bear.

Thanks Mr and Mrs.Hamdi

East coast with the family. Let the pictures do the talking. (=

2008-12-28T00:44:00.001+08:00

HAPPY MA'AL HIJRAH ~!

as a good daughter, i'm going to cancel all my plans for today.

And head down to the mosque.

goodbye readers.

^.^

2008-12-26T22:17:00.002+08:00

School is going to reopen soon, in just a week time, but i have yet to do any preparation.
I have not even bought a new skirt, or any exercise book, or even new shoes just yet. HAHA !
Guess, i'm not even on a mood for school. Well, lets just get over and done with everything.
I jolly well know, i have to make full use of this opportunity given.
Cause there is no second chance, the next time i fail. A brand new year, brand new resolutions!

I think its time for me to make some reflections on 2008 and a whole list of 2009 resolutions.
'' Ambil yang jernih, buang yang keruh . '' ~

2008-12-25T23:32:00.003+08:00

It freaked me out, whenever i received a call, that someone who is a part of my life , has gone. Gone to another world.

One by one, people that i acknowledge, leave me. Soon everyone will be gone, leaving me behind.

You may have read my previous post, on how frustrated i am towards my parents.

But still, they are my parents. I can't imagine, life without these souls.

Sometimes, i wonder, what if one day, they die? Well, i know in life, everyone will die. No one will survive forever.

All of us will experience death, time will tell. Life goes on, no matter whatever happened.

And at times, i asked myself, what if today was my last ?

What if, i had no chance to prove to my parents, my family that i can be successful. that i am different from the rest.

What if, i can't lead my own family? Have my own kids?

or what if i'm married in the future and pregnant, but i die while giving birth to my first child?

What if, it is my last. Who going to takecare of my parents?

Who is going to console my dear cousin,hani and my darling girlfriend, huda?

Who is going to protect my sister from any harms? who is going love and care for my loved ones? for Mr.fate?

My thoughts has been running wild since the past few weeks. I'm afraid, afraid of the future, of death, of everything.

I don't know what the future brings, but i know i still have the man above by me always .

Trust me, i have been praying for you, from far, hoping for the best, all night.

I don't want karma to repeat itself. I don't want to lose any of you.

To arwah,

may you rest in peace and may god forgive all your sins and be with him in the safest, wonderful place; syurga.

*insyallah*

2008-12-22T18:54:00.000+08:00

Things are getting out of hand. i just can't help myself but to post and vent all my feelings here.
I guess , i should forget bout the idea of posting one day before countdown .

Life has been such disaster for the past few weeks. You guys, are getting on my nerves right now.
The couple that i love & care the most, the only soul that i will do anything for.
The ones that i cherish, the priority of my life. You guys are my everything.
You were the ones that i look upon each and everyday of my life. You guys are my light to every darkness.
But, i guess all that has gone to waste now.
You spoke to me, like I'm your friend ? Excuse me. Mind you, I'm your daughter, your child.
You don't talk to me that way, if you expect me to talk to you nicely.
You blame me for being rude , look at how the way you talk.
You don't gain my respect,if you yourself do not respect me.
Like any other child out there, i have feelings too.
I may be rebellious at times, i may look very strong and stern, from the out view.
But deep inside, I'm a soft person. Your harsh words, stabs my heart very deeply.
It hurts so much, that all the things you said, kept replaying on my mind like a soundtrack.

I don't understand you. I really don't . What more do you expect me to do?
Rot at home, everyday, every hour, every minute , every second?
Be a maid at home, with all the house chores that keep bundling up, with not even a single soul to help?
You called me useless? hopeless? Tell me how am i suppose to look forward in life, in my future, with all those words.
You, as my parents should give me motivation, the courage, the love and care . not the opposite.
You guys only spot the negative side of me, but have you seen my positive side?
Who was there, when you guys are alone at home? Who was there, always by your side?
Who was there, to accompany you? to entertain you? Make you smile & laugh without fail?
Who was there, when you are starving and just plain lazy to get yourself the food to eat?
Who was it, who did the house chores? Who did the ironing? Who did the washing? The moping?
Who was the one pursuing your dreams and not their? Go and reconsider!
EVERYTHING I DID , I DID IT FOR YOU. FOR YOUR HAPPINESS. FOR YOUR SATISFACTION . NOT MINE!

all i could do now, is to just pray to god. as he always listen.

2008-12-21T23:08:00.001+08:00

Went to kallang stadium with Babygirl & some friends earlier on. It was a last minute plan.

Singapore vs Vietnam, unfortunately Vietnam won. The lions should have won, guess, luck was not there.

They missed quite a number of times. Well, after all they did their best! Great play! ( :

The stadium was filled with soooo many people, its like as though it is national day! haha. kecoh !

Next headed to tampines and met Mr. Fate , for a very late dinner.

Got lost while on my way to where we were supposed to meet, i was so over joyed that i took the wrong bus.

Silly silly me , i didn't took notice of the colour plate of the bus just because it is the same number 293.

( tu laa , pandai sangat. HAHA . joke of the day . )

guess , i'm clumsy in love ? yea , right ? ((:

Mom called, asking what time i'm coming home, told her i'm taking the night rider and i will be home soon.

And as usual, my 'soon' will be 3 or 4 hours later. Hence, i cab home, and reached at 5:30 am.

Feeling shagged, the bed is calling me. Oh , goodmorning readers. (:

2008-12-14T21:47:00.003+08:00

Life is wonderful & colourful ! ! !

BUSY. BUSY. AWAY. AWAY. PARTY. PARTY . ENJOY. ENJOY.

won't be active for the time being , out with loved ones .

be back one day before countdown.

so don't bother to visit my blog till countdown. ( ;

have a great holiday before school reopens , students !

party people ; see you guys around.

2008-12-13T22:01:00.002+08:00

I guess , time will tell .

Perhaps , it is fate that brought us together after 11 months of friendship.

You gave me love , that my book of life, had never felt before.

Just so you know, you mean something special to me, you brought colours into my life.

Everything i did , i did it with sincere not hoping for anything from you.

& i'll just pray for the best to the man above .

please take care of your health , cause i do not want any harm to happen to you & i care for you.

2008-12-10T16:22:00.001+08:00

My blog, has been dead for quite some time . Mind me for not updating my blog.
The past few weeks , has been great. Since, holidays are ending in a several weeks time.
I have been going out, with my loved ones. To those i have cancelled the plans, sorry.
Holidays has been tremendously awesome. Before i go back to school, and start mugging.
Lets party , and enjoy till countdown . ( :

Anyways, i am currently stucked on this malay book that sister borrowed yesterday.
It is based on Love. The psychology of love . It is very interesting, as everything in it, is true!

'' Buku inin mengupas secara mendalam persoalan yang berkaitan dengan cinta.
Cinta perlu dipelajari dan difahami supaya dapat membantu mencapai hidup yang bahagia ''

So, for those who are currently in love, or are interested and curious bout love.
Do visit the library, and borrow this book.
Written by Dato' Dr. Hj. Mohd Fadzilah Kamsah & Syaidatun Nazirah Abu Zahrin .
Code number of the book , 297.56 .

2008-12-07T14:04:00.001+08:00

Away.Away.

2008-12-04T02:07:00.000+08:00

In a blink of an eye, everything has changed .
Nothing is the same now. All the things that revolves around me is different.
Although i have made a resolution for 2009,deep down in my heart, i do not even look forward to it.
Whats more, going through the same thing over again.
Being retained and not able to promote to secondary 4. People looking down on me.
All the obstacles that i have to face with,such as my relatives,friends,teachers.
There are so many things in life, that i do not look forward to.
Except that i am turning 16 next year and being legal to go for any clubs. And that's all~.

I know i have to look things positively, but sometimes to think of it, it really upset me.
I have been faking a smile, all along trying very hard to be happy.
But the fact is, i am ashamed of my loved ones, especially my family.
I have never had an intention to disappoint them. I want to make them proud.
Things are getting complicated now. I am trying my best to encounter all these.
Give me strength and guide me through the right way, god~.

And to some guys out there, if you think you are worth my time and effort, then prove it.
Cause i don't fall for cheap words.
You don't have to be someone hot or good looking to win my heart.
All i need is you to be honest and faithful. You don't have to be rich too~.
Is that too much to ask for ? Seriously, my heart is closed for any guys right now.
I can give you the key to my heart, but you got to find the way through it.

2008-12-02T16:53:00.001+08:00

Party like there is no tomorrow ; Zouk was great ! (:

shagged right now , will be busy .

have fun readers !

2008-12-01T22:00:00.001+08:00

I m feeling confused now . Stuck on everything . Wondering , pounding about certain things .
I want to be love again , but i m afraid . Afraid of the challenges that i have to face .
Missing the old times , the old me . I m sick of hearing all those naggings at home.
I want to make a difference , but i guess i've took the wrong step .
I don't want people to assume me wrongly . I know its not too late for anything, everything.
But , all i want to do now is to enjoy . Enjoy to the very fullest cause live is just too short.
& this is rare , this is not me . I need to find the real shila right now.
But how to if there is no one to confide ?
I have been helping people around me, my loved ones, even some i do not know them real well.
i have been giving them the motivation to look things on the brighter side.
I have been doing this frequently , that i have no time for myself. For my future.

His just different. despite knowing the truth about his past, and present now.
I don't know why, i just want to make him a better person.
There is something that i see in him, but i do not know what it is.
I just want to be there for him, in his complicated life that he thinks life is nothing but boring.
I want to project things differently to him. Is this why i'm still single?
Or, its just the way god plan for my life ? Lets just go with the floooooow~.

2008-11-30T18:54:00.003+08:00

I'm sick of the way i live right now . It has been nothing , but mundane.
I miss the feeling of being love, the feeling of being acknowledge that, I'm not left alone and there is someone to count on.
( well, what I'm referring to is, i miss being attached on long term run)
I'm tired of dating around, and failing each and every guy i went out with.
It really annoys me. Having guys is like changing undies. This have to stop.
Meanwhile, i'm happy that i broke the record of not contacting a single soul for 2 months. heee.
Mainly because, my handphone is spoilt and is under construction. ^.^

Time flies so fast, that sometimes i have this strong feeling, that I'm left with a few more days.
I've been having an awful nightmares. I can't sleep, no matter how many times i twirl around.
And this insomnia is getting on my nerves right now. I have been sleeping late everyday at 5 or 6 am. I'm scared of my future.
Afraid on what the future brings for me. I don't want to be known as uneducated, or unemployed.
Feelings of losing my loved ones, has been haunting me tremendously every now and then.
What is happening? Is this feeling for real?
I hope not, well i thanked god, that i'm on the process of getting over certain things in life.

p.s: got my eyes on you. despite the truth~

2008-11-29T01:20:00.000+08:00

GOODBYE LONG HAIR & WELCOME NEW SHORT HAIR !

THE NEW BEGINNING, SINGLE SHILA, NEW SHILA. HAHAHA ! FOR 2009 !

okay lame. heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

2008-11-28T00:16:00.002+08:00

I'm in love with my hair now. New haircut, New resolutions, New things in life, New Shila.

Unfortunately, i can only give you the idea of my new hair right now.

Pictures of myself, will be uploaded soon. Maybe not any sooner. Just wait.

2008-11-26T03:45:00.021+08:00

time checked : 345 AM .
and i'm still out and have not yet gone home . Hence, i'm thoning, slacking at commonwealth's macdonald with nigga. ( :
I was stood up by both darlings , lucky there's this guy to keep me accompany.
I guess , i would have been a loner by now . =x Thank you for always being there.

St James was cancelled. thanks . Never mind, lets just look on the brighter side.

there's still Zouk on the 1st december.And nothing is going to stop me from going.

Thoughts are going wild right now.I'm still reconsidering if i should take those things.

give me hints, please god. *

2008-11-24T01:02:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 24 BIRTHDAY & 4 YEARS ANNIVERSARY LOVEBIRDS !

The minute it strikes 12am, sister called me, asking me to help her.
so i gave the idea of blind folding him in the van while waiting for her to go down.
As usual , who won't be surprise for any surprises ?
Oh, last long and take good care of my sister okayy ?
No presents but i will pray and wish you all the best in life.
i have seen many ups and downs between you and my sister. TWO THUMBS UP !
CONGRATULATIONS for being able to with stand her attitude,cause not many people are able to do so.

looking forward for your marriage with her. heeeee heeee ~
so you guys can actually have a house of your own and i will have a room of my own.
( :

2008-11-23T15:55:00.003+08:00

And so , weekends was a blast for both saturday and sunday !
Took a day off on sunday from all friends outing and went to Night Safari with beloved families.
There were 3 family that includes , Sister in -law's , Hani's and the Kassim's.
[ Oh , tha's my dad's name anyway. ]

The dayaks, were great !
They are fucking hot, especially the guy that had to climb up high and stand for a few minutes.
[ Hani , i know you , you know , They don't know ] tee heee . =DD
Um, unfortunately we took the tram instead of walking.
The uncles and aunties are too strong that they decided to ride the tram .

[ insert sarcastic smile ]

Next , headed to railway station at tanjong pagar and had our ' dinner ' there.
I was pissed off with my mom, cause i told her to eat at lau pasat instead but she refused. grrr~!
Hence, i did not ate anything but just bought myself a drink , sat on corner washing my eye.

It was 12 am in the morning, when everyone was on their way home, except for my siblings.
Asked hani to tag along, since she said we did not offer her. But sadly, things crop up.
So we went to pasir ris fishing pond, and went fishing for prawns.

That was my first time fishing prawns, and caught nothing ! Actually we caught two only. HAAHA !

Two prawns for 4 hours . pathetic ! yes, laugh people ~.

Moral of the story is , to be patience and follow the flow of the prawns and slowly catch it.
well, overall , i had fun with my loved ones.

2008-11-21T04:19:00.002+08:00

Up coming outing :

Saturday: Cycling at east coast or marina barrage, perhaps chill at town .

Sunday : Night Safari , with family & cousins . ( :

Monday : Sentosa with cousin & girlfriends. I want to ride Luge, please?

Tuesday : Library, borrow books. cancelled !! going ST JAMES ! ( :

Wednesday : Maulid . cancelled , so rot at home.

So, i guess I'll be busy this week with all these schedule.
Well , at the very least i have somethings to do during the holidays.
Anyway , Mom was discussing with me earlier on the idea she had for me.
She insisted and suggested that i should just work with her, instead of finding work outside & ended up quiting all of them.
She told me, she will pay me $50 per week/ month OR she will buy me anything i want IF i do all the house chores and iron all clothes.
which means , i have to iron my mom's , dad's , brother's and uncle's clothing ~.
Woo , now i know how it feels to be a maid . -..-

& now i'm paranoid with myself , i'm missing him badly. come on shila ! its over ! please ! accept the fact!!!

2008-11-20T13:00:00.005+08:00

its my life. the way i live my life does not concern you.

After all, its my own cemetery i'm lying on when i die.
Its between me & god. I am matured enough to know whats right and wrong for myself.
( due to some not needed remarks, i delete. heeee )
No one can actually stop me, its my life , my own accord.

And let me repeat this again, for you, its between me & god.

Its me, siti nurshila binte kassim, facing him, not you.
I appreciate that you care for me, but hey there is a limit. Your getting on my nerves right now.

Which may lead to an argument , real soon. so please , i suggest you take care of your own shit. thanks .

2008-11-19T00:19:00.002+08:00

Just got home from religious class. Its every Wednesday night.
Unfortunately, today was the last day of Uztad Bakar, cause his going off to haji next week.
Have a safe journey, uztad. I'm going to miss your voice during maulid. Haaaa~.

"Di mana ade maulid, di situ terletaknye taman syurga .
Doa la kepada yang maha esa, setiap doa akan dikabulkan oleh nya jika kamu bersabar dan taat kepadanya ~. " - Uztad Bakar.

This was what, he told us earlier before we left.
I can't help myself, but to shed tears when i was praying during doa hajat.
Seeking for help, for forgiveness, for a hint and praying for my loved ones, for myself and for him too~.
Pray blessings to the dead, may they rest in peace and are safe in heaven.
I continuously pray to him, to give me the strength to move on and just forget about him.
My heart felt calm, after all the prayers. It felt like, i was close to him, very close.
& i know, time will tell. Slowly, he will grant all my wishes. - insyallah .

p.s: Do pray to him, for HE always listen to your sorrow and happiness. (:

2008-11-18T00:03:00.000+08:00

Dont cry because its over,
Stand tall and show youre stronger,
Your eyes dry and cry no longer,
Its not your loss for he was half a lover.

Smile dear and have no stress,
Stay calm and have some rest,
To him your love was just a test,
Youre a special being who deserves the best.

Thank God because it happened,
His love was false so dont be saddened,
His loss it is so dont be burdened,
With him or not your future is brightened.

p,s : to all those , who are feeling the same way as me right now.
heart broken, and all . read this , and lets move on. ( :

2008-11-17T03:47:00.004+08:00

Its hard to think, to realized, and to accept, when the one you love will walk away from you, it hurts but you said to yourself "I know, I can forget you", but tears fall cause you know what you mean is "where do I start" .

'' Hani , i'll start with you. Lets walk away from the past, taking one step at a time.
& look ahead to our future,achieving our goals.
Just so you know, i'm still here for you till the day he takes me away~.
i love you, despite everything. '' ( blood is thicker than water )
<3

2008-11-16T13:33:00.007+08:00

Dedicated to someone, who gave me this hoodie.

Di malam ini , Di Waktu ini
Ku masih terkenang dirimu
Biarpun tiada kau disisi , diriku .
Senyumanmu , raut wajah mu
Membuatku terus merindumu
Biarpun kau meninggalkan aku , cintaku .

Ku cuba tanpamu disisi
Ku cuba tanpa hidup denganmu
Meskipun ku tak mampu lupakan mu , kasihku .
Ku cuba tanpamu dihati
Ku cuba berhenti merindukan mu
Ternyata tiada pengganti dirimu , selamanya .

Sedetik ini , ketika ini
Ku masih memikirkan mu
Dimanakah dirimu kini , gadisku jejakaku .
Andai aku , ulangi lagi
cerita aku dengan kamu
Takkan ku menyakiti hatimu , bintangku .

Ku cuba tanpamu disisi
Ku cuba tanpa hidup denganmu
Meskipun ku tak mampu lupakan mu , kasihku .
Ku cuba tanpamu dihati
Ku cuba berhenti merindukan mu
Ternyata tiada pengganti dirimu , selamanya .
Kini . . . .

p.s: i tried my very best to forget you, i tried all i could to stop loving you for the better.

but it seems that this heart just wants you back. which i know is impossible.

regret

2008-11-15T22:54:00.001+08:00

hanya tinggal kenangan

2008-11-15T03:40:00.002+08:00

Now there's nothing left for me to do except restart .

haunting

2008-11-11T23:50:00.006+08:00

From a combination of two great creatures, god created me.
Giving me the best parents in the world.
A parent who is very understanding,supporting, loving and caring.
And the most important thing is they, stand out among all.

This is weird, i've never felt this way before.
I was on the way to east coast park earlier on, when suddenly, memories hits me.
I remembered when i was younger, i will follow dad to pump the bicycle.
Tag him along and sent mom to work, imagine. 3 people riding a bicycle. ONE bicycle.
Accompany him to pets shop, toys r us, mosque.
Everywhere he go, i will always be with him, not leaving him alone.
When i dozed off while watching tv or on the bus, he will carry me.
When i was sick, he will shower me, feed me, take very good care of me.
We used to be so close that i will sleep with him every night.
And when the next day , he left to work without me realizing, i will cry.

As for mom, i was her shadow.
Everywhere she go, i'll be there. I'll do anything for mom.
I'll be ver protective towards mom.
especially when my siblings were to be rude towards her.
i'll run to them and beat them! haaaaaaaaaa~
There was once, mom went to visit a relative with my siblings.
I was fast asleep while dad was rocking me and mom was still at home.
The next minute i woke up, she has already gone out.
I will never forget how chaotic the situation was. HAHA!
hanya tuhan saja yang tahu ~

I've been reacting weird lately, perhaps another ' wake up call ' .
Or maybe, i'm going lose somebody that i truly loved or did not expect,

ohhh god~

Lepaks

2008-11-10T03:38:00.000+08:00

Accompanied dya sis to her job interview.
That was the actual plan, but unfortunately,
she accompanied me instead after we had our ''dinner'' at pastamania. (=
thanks for the treat ! sedaaaaaaaap ! heeeeee freeeeeeee~.

I was selected, and was told to start work the next morning.
And i regret having to work there, even for just an hour.
So i quit the jobs with my ''new team mate friends ''.
Oh people, don't ever work at taka level 12, maxmega!
direct sale , is so not worth it. trust me!! ((:

2008-11-10T03:23:00.009+08:00

i'm sorry , but i just think i should not just leave things hanging .

Hence, i have to tell you the truth about how i really felt.

i'm just not prepared for another love just yet, i still have to get over certain things. And i'm still am missing his presence right now.

Its not that easy to be in love again, after a major breakdown.Your nice, really. But i guess,your just too nice for me. And that you don't deserve me, but better. ((:

Its impossible between us, i just can't bear hurting other people's feeling.i mean, i'll be frustrated and upset too, if my ex were to contact my own friend.be it a close one, or just a random friend. get me? i'm afraid karma will hit me. thats why. sorry alright? All i need here is time. Just waiting for the right time.And so you don't have to wait for me nomore. i know i've hurt your feelings, but just adapt with it alright? Perhaps, its an infatuation?

meaning of life.

2008-11-04T07:51:00.005+08:00

Let go of the past
Leave it as history
Time passes fast
So look forward to tomorrows as a mystery to discover

Its yours, nobody else's life
You can't live forever, its true
So whatever the strife
Don't let it get to you

Always trust your intuition
And no matter how hard it gets, stay tough
Always aim for you own ambitions
Nothing is impossible if you want it badly enough

p.s: i used this as a motivation to move on and look forward in my future.
saying goodbye, is not what i ever wanted though. only god knows it.

Goodbye

2008-11-03T23:02:00.005+08:00

I've been thinking in my solitude moments, i've been praying seeking for hints .
Finally , i've decided .
I have decide to move on and not to give our love another chance.
I've decided to follow my heart and abandon my mind.
I'm sorry if i had wasted your time, your money and everything that you had given to me.
This heart is still broken by your silly acts that you had done.
And it takes time to mend this heart.
I'm still searching and waiting for my other half.
The one that completes me, and treat me like a princess . (:
Someone whom at the very least respect girls and behave like a men in a matured way.
Unfortunately , your just not the one. You belong to some other girls out there.
Lets just be friends, i'm better off alone. Thanks for being a part in my life.

Appreciate life.

2008-11-01T08:25:00.000+08:00

Life and all of its precious joys,
The choices we make,
Things that we tend to enjoy.
Every day when we wake up,
We should thank god for what he gave,
Because look around for a second,
Not everyone was praised.
Appreciate your life,
And what you were actually given,
Because there's tons of people,
Who wish they weren't living.
Life is amazing,
Whether you believe it or not,
So take a moment,
And appreciate what you got.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring,
For you can't be guaranteed,
One more day on this earth.

i came across an article on how the poors are suffering.
living on the streets, with no food, no clothes to wear.
living in fear, afraid of being killed,kidnap or die due to starvation.

it gave me a wake up call, on how fortunate and bless i am in this world.
the more i think about life, the more i appreciate and love god. ( alhamdulilah )

grr.

2008-10-31T18:55:00.005+08:00

lets just wait and see, we shall see how long more we are going to play this game.
I'll just go with the flow~~.
I'm sick and tired of everything . i really do.
I'm not interested in having a relationship any sooner now,
but who knows a miracle might happen?
which i doubt so. I'm just depressed at the moment.
i have many things on my mind right now.
so please, don't bundle up the burden i have to carry now.

And i apologise if i have neglected our friendship or whatever ship you want to call it.
do get the facts right, before jumping into conclusion.
I'm not seeing anyone right now, not even you or even your friend. A BIG NOO NOO!
SINGLE, thats what i want to be. i'm in a desperate situation.
please, leave me alone for the time being. i'm going hay wire right now~!
which you never bother to know.

flash back

2008-10-29T14:47:00.003+08:00

I've not been sleeping well lately. Memories of my past, haunt me out of the blue.
I'm missing munchey crunchey. I'm missing my girlfriends. I'm missing kudutman. I'm missing everyone.
I've learnt and realized how fortunate and blessed i am. I have all these wonderful people in my life.
These people who taught me the meaning of true friendship and relationship. People that no other could compare.
I missed the old times, laughing out loud, hanging out, those bus rides, those inside jokes.
All of it, is lingering on my mind right now. Perhaps , its just another ' wake up call ' .

Muchey, you may think i have forgotten you and i have totally got over you. But the truth is i have not yet done so.
I'm still am missing your presence. You taught me how to be patience and always look things on the brighter side.
I may not tell you how perfect you are in my eyes. I might always talked about other guys in front of you.
But just so you know, I'm telling and complaining to you indirectly that your better. In case you never know this.
I went online just to catch things up with you. I waited while your busy playing your online games.
See how bad i miss you?? That is the only way i can still keep in touch with you.
Yes, i know its over. I just want to let you know, that your not forgotten. (:
meet me soon okayy ? not because i want cigarettes uhhh. ~~

get this clear.

2008-10-27T02:16:00.005+08:00

i can't be bothered with whatever people have to say about me, anymore.
you, bitches are just making me famous. (:
OH what ? you guys never seen a 15 year old girl smoke before?
What does it mean, you smoke your corrupted?
At least, i smoke cigarettes, rather than some other guy's dicks. OOOPS! =X
hurhur~~. [ insert evil smile ]

Everyone have their own perspective way of losing stress.
As for myself, i smoke or listen to music and dance to the beat to release stress.
So , it would be great , if you get the facts right before jumping into conclusions.

likewise, p.s:
Darlings , aku buat jahat tak sembunyi sembunyi. aku kalau buat jahat, depan depan.
aku tak diam diam lepuh macam korangs. so stop acting innocent here, please? thanks.

TURN OVER

2008-10-26T03:23:00.003+08:00

well , i guess . your just another typical guy, eh?

come and go. it's your lost, not mine. (: i'm contented with my life now .

( even if there are ups and downs ) i live my life to the very fullest.

I get over certain things very easily, hence for your case , its going to be an easy task. xDD

Mom and Dad , thanks for being understanding. Thanked god.

Again, i'm sorry , truly from the bottom of my heart. I apologised for my bad results.

I felt relieved after having a conversation and some discussion with my parents earlier.

Those tears, and words of encouragement. I will remember them, and this i promise you.

I'm going to make you proud. I will . Whats there to rush? Its better to regret now.

Its better to feel sorry now. I will put aside my pride, cause i don't owe them any. (:

And , dad , your daughter here still remember the one and only man above.

She might not be the warak type, but she still does her prayers .

She do, pray and hope for you and the family. Only god knows, how much i love you guys.

( its just that i don't show it to you. But deep down, you guys mean the world to me.)

Time will tell . I promise , i'm going to buck up from now. Relationships? That can wait.

I'll get my basic right . 3 B's , that is what i'm aiming for. BODY,BEAUTY,BRAIN.

Mean time, i'll work during the holidays. Any vacancy ??

contact me please.

depression

2008-10-24T00:43:00.004+08:00

words can't describe how i'm feeling right now.
i feel empty. i feel lost. i don't know what to do.
i feel stupid, hopeless,useless. i feel like, its the end !
i've hurt and disappoint my loved ones.
I jolly well , know that i'm the one and only hope for them, yet i upset them.
i never expected this to happen. never! in my 15 years of life.
i hate it, when i hurt my darlings. i just can't bear !
Now, everyone will look down on me.
How am i suppose to face my families? relatives?
Where is the old siti nurshila?
that is what i've been receiving and hearing . comments that are so not needed.
Where is the old siti nurshila, who always make her parents proud of her?
where have it all gone to? where sayang? where? ( down the drain uh ! HAA! )
the old young lady , who actually detest smoker, but now turn into one.
the lady, who obey and never neglect all her prayers? tuition? families? religion?
the lady, who don't hang out till midnights. afraid of losing her parent's trust.
i do admit, i have make a enormous changes the minute i enter secondary school.

i'm such a burden in my family, in everything.
giving problem, being a trouble maker, that's what i'm good for.
YES ! i retain . its just so shameful!! i can't imagine retaining!
hopes, trust, all of it. its gone now, shattered.
i don't know who to turn to right now.
those promises that i've made with my late grandparents to make them proud.
now, they must been real upset, watching over me.
i felt so empty , that i did nothing but just cry and cry .
Now , my eyes are numb. it hurts when i close my eyes.
praying to god, while doing my prayers, shedding tears.
seeking forgiveness , and guidance, thats what i've been doing since yesterday.

i don't want to be in ite! never will! no no! i'm not looking down on them.
but , its just so , nevermind, i shall keep it personal.

STRESS !!!! STRESS ! SEC 3 CAMP! HERE I COME again! -..-

MAJOR !

2008-10-23T00:30:00.002+08:00

FRIENDSTER ; DELETED .
why ? i'm not interested in making more friends on the net.
Hence, i'm focusing on the major things right now. the rest , i will just go with the flow.
For now , i'm worried about my results. 1o from my class , retain.
ONE THIRD OF THE WHOLE 3 ACADEMIC CLASSES !!
RETAIN AND SOME DROP TO NORMAL TECHINAL !!

stress stress!!!

kekasih gelapku

2008-10-21T19:48:00.004+08:00

it hurts when,
the one you loved and care about doesn't seem to bother about how you feel.
and he or she , is just going with the flow. ~~
it really annoys me, whenever i wanted to be serious. shits occur.
YESYESYES,
i know and understand that those shits are just parts of our life that we have to encounter.
do count yourself lucky, i did not open my heart to any guys the moment i went single.
but when you came into my life, this feeling, feeling that i never felt before came naturally.
i am not rushing things here , in fact I'm taking one step at a time. slowly ~~
but i just don't want it to be a false hope. get me? i don't want history to repeat itself.
things are not like what you have seen just now.
yes, i do still have feelings for him. but, its OVER.
Hence, i got to face reality. And move on. do get the facts right please Mr.
And please, what your doing right now is hurting me.
do you know how much i went through?just to show you, how sincere i am?
i don't foresee myself in a relationship just yet too.
all i need is one guy, to prove to me that not all guys are the same,
and that he will stick through out with integrity and faithfulness.
is that much to ask for??

there is only , ONE who understand and feel what i am going through right now.

ohh, god~ guide me through please.

perhaps ??

2008-10-18T03:01:00.005+08:00

Alright , i really need to find a job , like super quick .
i can't be rotting at home and finish up all the rice. like a piglet.
Plans for today, to pertapis will be cancelled.
now, i'm reconsidering if i should go out with effa & friends, or tiara?
or follow mom to an open house?
mom had just bought me a $128 top up card, so a sign of appreciation is to accompany her.
how how how ? nevertheless, i'm missing mr.N right now.
boy, with you around, no harm giving love another try.
thanks for being there for me, hearing me shedding tears on the fone ,
sharing my feelings , my sorrows and everything with you about him.
let time tell , i'm hoping for the best .
perhaps, it is you who i've been waiting for . (:

silly, silly ~~

2008-10-17T09:02:00.006+08:00

alright ,let me blast out all my emotions right now ! ARGHHHH~!!
how silly can i get ?? woke up early in the morning at 6 , with a slumber face.
do emphasise , MORNING ( !!! )
have a shower,iron school uniform,had my breakfast,tie my hair cover my highlighted hair.
went off to school at 730 am. again , AM ( !!! )
was about to reach school when i realized that there is no school for today !!
what the fuck uh ? i knew it sia. actually i don't.
but my heart was not at ease while on the bus. ishh ! thanks to you uh , ibu ! =..=
told you no need to go for school , anymore. cheyy . HAHAH !
i feel so fucking geek, like dumb or what shila !?! o.0

I would be sleeping right now, dreaming in my lala land ~!
taking my very own sweeeeeeeeeeet time to wake up and do house chores. tsk~
well , the moral of the story is , do checked your time table before the next morning!
& checked the date too! ergghh ~!

behind these smile

2008-10-16T03:40:00.005+08:00

time checked : its 3:40 AM.

just like any other ordinary secondary 3 students.

i should be sleeping now.

but it seems that i can't get myself to sleep with all these memories lingering on my mind right now .

tskkkkkkkkk~

I'm still stucked right here. oh god, this sux.

please, give me some strength will you.

begging you , oh god.

i really need to stop behaving this way, this is so not me.

I've just realized, how ' kental ' i am . hahaha!

i can't let this over whelmed me. cannot cannot!! must prove that i will be fine without him.
i should be happy right now, since he is happy with his new replacement . ( Ha! )

remember, whatever you have sacrifice is worth while, shila! maybe not now, maybe later. future~ ((:

Oh well, I'm missing second brother right now. hope he is doing fine at Australia.

and will be back home, safely. oh god, guide him through and bless him, please. ((:

And oh almighty god.

bless my lovely cousin, hanifayana with all the strength and wisdom for her o's that she will be having today.

bless me too! for my end of year results. promoted to secondary 4, will be more than enough .

I'll leave everything to you , god. amin**