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Friday, October 24, 2008
12:43 AM

words can't describe how
i'm feeling right now.
i feel empty. i feel lost. i don't know what to do.
i feel stupid, hopeless,useless. i feel like, its the end !
i've hurt and disappoint my loved ones.
I jolly well , know that
i'm the one and only hope for them, yet i upset them.
i never expected this to happen. never! in my 15 years of life.
i hate it, when i hurt my darlings. i just can't bear !
Now, everyone will look down on me.
How am i suppose to face my families? relatives?
Where is the old siti nurshila?that is what
i've been receiving and hearing . comments that are so not needed.
Where is the old
siti nurshila, who always make her parents proud of her?
where have it all gone to? where
sayang? where? ( down the drain uh ! HAA! )
the old young lady , who actually detest smoker, but now turn into one.
the lady, who obey and never neglect all her prayers? tuition? families? religion?
the lady, who don't hang out till midnights. afraid of losing her parent's trust.
i do admit, i have make a enormous changes the minute i enter secondary school.
i'm such a burden in my family, in everything.
giving problem, being a trouble maker,
that's what
i'm good for.
YES ! i retain . its just so shameful!! i can't imagine retaining!
hopes, trust, all of it. its gone now, shattered.
i don't know who to turn to right now.
those promises that
i've made with my late grandparents to make them proud.
now, they must been real upset, watching over me.
i felt so empty , that i did nothing but just cry and cry .
Now , my eyes are numb. it hurts when i close my eyes.
praying to god, while doing my prayers, shedding tears.
seeking forgiveness , and guidance,
thats what
i've been doing since yesterday.
i don't want to be in
ite! never will! no no!
i'm not looking down on them.
but , its just so ,
nevermind, i shall keep it personal.
STRESS !!!! STRESS ! SEC 3 CAMP! HERE I COME again! -..-